A Mother's Wish
The past two weeks have just been a whirlwind of many things amazing.
I ran six miles yesterday...a slow and labored six miles. I didn't seem to care about my pace, about the rain, or about the ups and downs of the road. I wanted to be out there; it was my choice. I occasionally found it hard to believe that I ran a marathon just two weeks prior. It was during the race that I realized I had been searching for 'something' that honestly wasn't the right thing. What I had been searching for all along was right in front of me.
The weather has been warmer and the colorful life that is spring is all around. When I pick up my girls at their Dad's I'm slightly miffed at the beauty of all the blooming flowers in his yard. I planted those flowers; some of them with the girls. I wanted them because they were mine. But I reframed; they weren't meant to be mine all along. They were just a place holder in time. What i need is right in front of me.
In the same vein, I have been struggling for years to be the kind of person my Mom thinks I should be. I have been striving for some sort of approval, some positive acknowledgement, some type of respect. I've since retired from the hunt and, instead, established boundaries with her - an approach that has literally taken DECADES.
Yesterday, on Mother's Day, she told me that I am a strong person; I am determined and go after what I want. She said it in such a way that struck me - carefully and with pride.
Everything I need is right in front of me. Sometimes, I guess for all of us, it takes time to realize that.
I wish for my daughters that they strive for the stars, but not forget the ground on which they plant their feet.