Today
Five years ago today…
Two years ago today…
This time last year…
I remember when…
These are all things that I say. Often. Maybe I say it aloud; mostly, I say it to myself. I don’t ever need Facebook memories to remind me that “on-this-day-today” I did something that might make me cry in the present, scream in the moment, boil my blood now, or spiral me into today’s short-lived depression. But, because “today” happens, these things travel. They are my baggage. I carry everything that was packed in “today” with me every day. I know the dates, I know the places, the times, the energies, the symbolism, the words, the trinkets and I have all the scars. There are days in which I’m so strong; I carry the weight well, almost as if it wasn’t ever there. On other days, it can make the simplest of breaths labored.
With each passing day, I move further away from “today”. Like a point-to-point run; the start slowly creeps into yesterday’s rearview mirror until I think I’m in the clear. As my memory floods, I pull over only to get caught up in the high tides that nip at my feet.
“I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets”
Five years ago today everything changed. But everything changes in every today.
